confused

Yesterday, it transpired to me that things I wanted to happen or to achieve are not happening. The question what have I achieved in the past three years of my life had been bugging me the whole day and I found out that nothing changes, I’m still the same girl who dreamt of giving my kids a better future and things didn’t get better for me

I had done so many mistakes during my younger days but I made sure that I learned and didn’t want to commit any of them again. I’m not regretting most of those mistakes because if my life would have been perfect then I’m not human, since nothing is perfect in this world. Besides, if I haven’t done those false moves, I wouldn’t have the chance of being a mother of my two beautiful kids and be the responsible person that I am now (though sometimes, I still act like a teenager geez!)

What do I really want?

I don’t think I want more than I can attain but why it’s just so hard to accomplish them. Is it because I am bound to be like this forever? Or I just don’t put enough effort to achieve these simple things that I want. I am considering the latter more realistic because if my fate is to be alone and struggling all the time, then I would change my fate as I don’t believe God would let anyone be unhappy their whole life. 

First step is planning. From now on, organizing myself will be occurring on my everyday life and things will follow through. I won’t let anyone or anything to be a reason, why nothing of my dreams is coming true and if this continues on, no one else is to be blamed but me.